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[personal profile] adrift_etc
My millennial ass: Do you guys have, like, wifi? 
Waitress: Sorry, no.

Um.... yeah right. Hello from the free wifi chez a wifi-free salad restaurant across the street from the mechanic, where a car expert is trying to figure out why my car runs despite being a gruesome wreck! Is it rude to pull your laptop out in an empty salad restaurant? I'm woefully ignorant about salad restaurant etiquette, since until this very moment, I had no idea there even was such a thing as a salad restaurant.

Anyway! My mum and I spent 3 hours trying to break into my grandma's house with an axe and two bobby pins. Our home invasion ended abruptly when we heard a rumble of tires down the hill and my mum screeched 'Hide the axe!' and pitched herself off the porch, manure fork held dangerously over her head. Judging by my grandma's wide, proud smile, she saw me surreptitiously stash the axe behind the rain barrels. 



We were served the expected jar of ginger, fresh picked blueberries, and mystery loaf. My grandma really wanted me to read this book about sailing, buy land with water in case of government hijinks, and also thinks I should invest in the stock market but 'ONLY IF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!!' I don't, grandma. I really don't. Thanks anyway.



We spent about 20 minutes driving behind this limo pulling a U-haul trailer, time which I spent excitedly flapping my arms because it was so fucking quaint. I thought limos' only purpose was transporting prom queens, celebrities, and newly weds and absorbing champagne puke. Not so! I'll keep this in mind next time I move.



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